What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize