I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently you make a good broom.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We left the knife in your bed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The Olympian is in my bed
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
