Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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