Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
