So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You are a genius and a whore.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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