I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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