I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
