When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
