i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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