he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
