new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
