you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
organizing the empties. That sober.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
