I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
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WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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