u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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