Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
