I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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