I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
