Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
