The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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