I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.