He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
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let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
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So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF