im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
