I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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