he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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