if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
