white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think my vagina is haunted
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
