I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
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That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize