so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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