every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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