Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm just crazy horny about you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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