can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
