As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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