'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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