when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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