Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
