Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
