i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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