Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
