Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
