Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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