How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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