After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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