He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
