I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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