Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
