It's Friday. Sex?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
