you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
