How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
