Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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