so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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