Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
