I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We had to coat check the pizza.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
