you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
