come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
