You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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