if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He passed out mid-signature
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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