Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.

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  (617): Yes. UR adorable in a weird way. http://tfl.nu/w3l6
  Replies (5) Good night (1229) Bad night (704)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS

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  (917): Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS http://tfl.nu/k9df
  Replies (97) Good night (1835) Bad night (7777)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.

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  (250): even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real. http://tfl.nu/de62
  Replies (29) Good night (5041) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.

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  (732): soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm. http://tfl.nu/dqxm
  Replies (12) Good night (4480) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him

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  (917): Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him http://tfl.nu/5c6r
  Replies (144) Good night (17976) Bad night (3133)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...

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  (910): when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going... http://tfl.nu/keeg
  Replies (106) Good night (1723) Bad night (10598)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people

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  (515): brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people http://tfl.nu/wdd8
  Replies (43) Good night (997) Bad night (4789)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town

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  (757): Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town http://tfl.nu/mvuo
  Replies (39) Good night (6886) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece

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  (781): You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece http://tfl.nu/uonr
  Replies (7) Good night (1028) Bad night (2889)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  The beer is more important than you right now.

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  (778): The beer is more important than you right now. http://tfl.nu/guwa
  Replies (8) Good night (3682) Bad night (1471)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.

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  (917): This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts. http://tfl.nu/i0fp
  Replies (14) Good night (3268) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot

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  (215): I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot http://tfl.nu/otr7
  Replies (4) Good night (851) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?

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  (850): Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'? http://tfl.nu/7fyz
  Replies (1) Good night (432) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point

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  (408): What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point http://tfl.nu/9b7m
  Replies (1) Good night (665) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014

  (813): View more from Florida

  You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch

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  (727): Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014 (813): You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch http://tfl.nu/2p9q
  Replies (1) Good night (569) Bad night (251)

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