I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.