I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.