Can i not drive my cunt home
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
