girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
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Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.