I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.