Texts From Last Night

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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool

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  (920): Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool http://tfl.nu/i9nx
  Replies (10) Good night (889) Bad night (2127)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.

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  (440): Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues. http://tfl.nu/5zyy
  Replies (23) Good night (3571) Bad night (725)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'

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  (512): And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.' http://tfl.nu/l1oz
  Replies (18) Good night (697) Bad night (3295)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"

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  (978): why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm" http://tfl.nu/ynyp
  Replies (64) Good night (6562) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish

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  (602): just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish http://tfl.nu/fhjl
  Replies (5) Good night (3964) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.

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  (614): My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation. http://tfl.nu/2cc3
  Replies (12) Good night (872) Bad night (5135)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.

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  (216): oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs. http://tfl.nu/udb9
  Replies (28) Good night (801) Bad night (6159)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere

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  (740): Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere http://tfl.nu/0hmj
  Replies (38) Good night (4315) Bad night (4551)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.

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  (515): I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower. http://tfl.nu/kyot
  Replies (20) Good night (1284) Bad night (2256)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.

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  (940): I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex. http://tfl.nu/o4rj
  Replies (11) Good night (1392) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...

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  (505): I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory... http://tfl.nu/vjel
  Replies (10) Good night (3031) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.

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  (859): You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary. http://tfl.nu/khbo
  Replies (5) Good night (1012) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?

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  (310): Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public? http://tfl.nu/31zf
  Replies (2) Good night (972) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.

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  (305): Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized. http://tfl.nu/vgu8
  Replies (7) Good night (611) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!

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  (432): They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED! http://tfl.nu/73e9
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (337)

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