The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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