Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
