I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
