You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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