I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
