Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
