Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
