it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How naked do you want me to be?
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