Duck Duck Cougar?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
