That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
