oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
