He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So much Jack, so little girl.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
