You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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