Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
